Phoebe's BBQ

i am sooo tired... i never finished yesterday's post because i need to upload some pictures... but before i do so.. i wanna start with today... well i had a dance competition and i came in 2nd and the winner was someone aged 22... i don't know how the program hosts it but they put someone who's 18 years old and under with someone who is 19 years old and up... anywho... so yea... i'm alright with that... so now back to yesterday... haha.. it was hilarious... we were playing the game of life... and i was the last one to get married =) haha.. i was also the first one to graduate.. lol.. and the twist to it was that i adopted two kids and i had twins.. omg... if i had kid's i'd die... lol.. and phoebe's family were drowning at the pool.. lol.. and at the very end.. my whole family died and i somehow turned into a guy??? lol... then we played monopoly in which we did not finish.... and then we started walking ying... omg... he is sooo strong..he was pulling me around and i went flying... also i was laughing while walkin him so i wasn't that strong.. and i almost pissed in my pants from laughing.. haha... and then we started taking some pictures.. haha not so photogetic.. but meh~ lol so yes.. yesterday was fun... here r some picz for you ppl to enjoy.. especially the ones who missed the bbq... ahem~ vince and nalian~

getting ready to go on the swings...

kat and i on the swings...

now we switched spots...

me pushing phoebe while she's on the swings...

there she goes....

now she's coming back...

woah look how high she is...its like she's flyin

second time through... she lost a shoe!!! lol...

this is what i mean when the dog is pulling me.. i'm flyin all over the places.. kat says "woah, viv is making a pose while she's being pulled around... that reminds me of america's top next model... lol"

kat and i....

yes kat and i are being fobby! lol... and we actually look good haha...

kat and i taking a picture... guess who took the picture... me!! lol.. haha amazing!!

and here we are looking at opposite directions.. haha...
looks kinda dark....

phoebe and i.. ahh my hair is in the way~

if you analyze this picture properly.. you'll see that our nose and upper lip looks quite alike...

hmm wut's up there...

once again.. all three of us together... it was hard taking that picture.. lol trying to get everyone in.. but we managed.. and yes... friends are always the best... they'll be with you for the rest of the life.. and pictures are the only things that can remind you of those memories! thanks guys for such a wonderful day~ and i hope the picz work.. hmmm

don't ever fall in love because it hurts~

i must admit that this is one of the most long lasting relationships that i have ever had. and there were so many things wrong with it that somehow it all hit me at once. yes this relationship started out with me liking another person more than i actually liked the one that i was with. but none the less something strange happened as the relationship was lasting. i somehow started to like the person that i was with. now i wouldn't call it love but i really cared for him and somehow hoped that everything would turn out right and things would last. yes you would say that i'm self conceited and not being fair. but tell me the truth. the person that you love soooo much might not be the person that you're with. but this doesn't mean that you don't care for the person you are with now. yes. besides the point. this person that i went out with this time was unlike other people. he loved me a lot. though i always wanted to change him and mold it into the perfect bf i want, it never seemed to happen. i simply thought if he loved me so much maybe he would change into a better person just for me. at least stop doing the things that i didn't like. how naive was i to think that i can actually change someone. it's impossible. i mean, maybe you can influence someone in a way, but changing someone completely is just imaginable. i have brought this problem up a lot of times to him but he simply replied give me time and i'll change. i was so naive that i really did give him time for him to change. i gave him for more than an year and a half and nothing good seemed to happen. i really was hoping for a miracle. but i guess there are no miracles. until today when something so strong hit me like a hurricane. everything seem to fly by me just like that. i mean i was with this person whom i thought i knew so well who turned out to be someone that i'd hate. i can't believe he smoked and lied to me that he didn't. now any girls would mind if their bf touched another girl but somehow, the shock and the worriness overwhelmed me that i wasn't even jealous at all. why was i so sad. why did i care. why did i fall in love with the wrong person. how can someone say that they love you so much and yet hurt you twice as much. at first i really didn't mind having to worry, and to look after him. but things started getting worst. things started getting to the point where i want to break down and stop everything from happening. i see other couples having fun enjoying their time with each other, no one getting hurt. for me things weren't the same. i always try to put pressure onto him becuz i thought that if he really did love me something would happen. well i guess i was wrong. i have never been hurt this much. not even the time where i cried for 5 days straight. right now i just want that special someone to come to me and just wrap their arms around me so i can feel safe and protected. but then again, why take the risk of loving again becuz in the end it will hurt twice as much as all the happiness that was felt. many people would tell me to forget about him but i'm very soft on the inside. i never thought i'd get hurt this much by someone that i can't even say i loved. because i no longer know what love feels like. does it feel like you have to worry about the other person all the time. always caring for the other person. and nothing having any in return. just a simple i love you so much would do. i have lost the feeling of love and i don't know what it feels like to be loved anymore. because so far in my dictionary love means worrying, caring for the other person more than yourself, and hurt. maybe i'm not ready for love. maybe i will never feel how it is to be loved. until then that i am ready to be in love again, i am just going to be myself. if someone loves me a lot out there, they will simply wait, show improvements and day by day show that they love me. otherwise it is very hard to tell who really loves me and who doesn't. cuz saying that you love someone is just a couple of words coming out of the mouth. action is what matters.

my doggie has diarrhea~

well, i haven't been here for a while. that is because i've probably been very busy. and no one ever reads this anyway.yes.... the title of this blog is my doggy has diarrhea.... well i went to the dog show recently and bought this vitamin supplement in which the ppl said would make my doggie stop scratching as much. i bought it for 10 buckz and i ended up paying $255 dollars more because it made my doggy have diarrhea. i am so mad i wated my money on something that will make my dog sick. arrrrghh. anywho. so yes... and now i am debating that dogs should get free health care... lol.. but then again most people would disagree with me because they just simply don't understand dogs. i swear, in the future i would rather live with dogs than have a kid myself. i mean why have kids when you can have dogs. dogs are so adorable and you will never get bored of it. but if you have a kid, they're only adorable when they're small and from there on, it's nothing but worrying.yes. anywho. here's a lesson learned today. do not read a french book all in one day because you'll end up getting a headache and you'll forget everything. haha.. yes yes.. i left it at the very last minute and i didn't finish reading the damn thing and i have a test on it tomorrow.... eekz... anywho... can't wait til angels and demons come out in the illustrated version. see i knew it would come out. i'm just glad i didn't read the paperback one. i swear... books like the da vinci code and angels and demons, it's better if there are pictures with it becuz it helps you understand better. yes... i am a visual learning. =P adios~

Not Like It Matters~

I guess it doesn't matter what I think. It's someone else's freedom and choice. I think I should solve my own problems. It doesn't matter to me anymore. Sometimes when you get hurt too many times, your feelings will just kind of fade away... it's okay, i can do this on my own... go and have fun and regain your freedom again~ u don't have to be with me cuz i'm just mistreating you~ once again i don't feel like i belong to you...we stopped understanding each other...

Complicated~

Love is so complicated. I get it why people say that they can't explain love. You really don't know what you're missing until it's gone. Why did Romeo and Juliet's parent seperated them? Who knows what stupid parents think these days, but I'm pretty sure if they loved each other so much, they can wait a while, until things settle down or at least until their parents die. Not a good example but whatever. It's funny how you say that you love me and yet you can think or having the thought of going out with another girl. It's funny how you can say that you love me and yet phone other gurls each day talking to them and msging them on msn. You can say that I am jealous or selfish or whatever but I have just realized that I love you so much that it hurts to see you do things like that. I might sound strong but really I'm not. I know it's my fault for pushing you away and saying that it's over when really it's not. i just can't take all the things that I'm getting from the third person's perspective. It was just a bit too much for me to hear people saying bad things about you and having a family that rejects you so much. The only way for me to do was to have a break and wait until the future. I know I was the one who asked for it but I was hoping that if you loved me as much, you'd understand. Since that we're apart, it really isn't my right to say that you can't do this or that. If it pleases you so much you can talk to whoever you want. If it makes you happy to go to parties and get drunk go ahead. Though it hurts me I guess it'll still be alright because I'm not yours anymore, and I'm not with you so there is no point for me to say that you can't do such things. Though I wear a smile everyday, it's just a mask that hides my true feelings.

New Year~

Schools in and it sucks. Wow can't believe we're already in 2005 and my bday is coming up in like 2 days. yuppers. though i was wishing to spend some time with brian and james but then brian is too busy with school. =( and therefore gta cancel it and try to reschedule it during the summer.but i doubt that'll happen. *sigh* that's alrite, they're in university and they're busy and stuff. no time for viv. how i wish they were in highschool again. i haven't seen them in like half a year. *sigh* so sad. missing them soooo much. anywho. gta go now. keeping this short and simple. adios~

Boxing Day~

well it's boxing day and i didn't go shopping lol. quite surprising but i did wake up at 7 something to go down to ^{future shop} and get this vtech phone that i've been waiting for. it went from 89.99 to 39.99 yea... and i can change the face plate sweet! lol so pretty tehe. and it has a caller display thing. so yes i am inserting people's number into it so i know who's calling and everything. yes haha. anywho. can't believe i went at 7 something and lined up to get in. and when i got in the vtech phone was like the last one on the shelf. lol. phew! thank god. i was planning to go at 10 eh. but then that'd suck because then everything would've been gone. yea. anywho and i got two dvds for 22.99. ^{the grinch} and the ^{cat in the hat}. they even have that cat in the hat stickers. yay!!! and last i finally got my ^{gwen stafani's cd} for 12. 99 and last time phoebes and i saw it for 16.99 =) yay!!! so yea... good enough... haha.. and i heard my baby got me ^{da vinci's code} =) wow everything on my bday list is being covered by christmas presents... muahaha... yipeeeee!!! thankz guys... muahz~

awww so peaceful~ until school starts again =S

Merry Christmas!!!!

Merry Christmas everyone!!! let see, what did i do last christmas. I don't remember but I sure remember this years'. Finally we have a white christmas!!! so that's good. went over to my cousins' place for christmas. watched these chinese drama series. lol. i love the one 'bout combining soccer and kung fu together. also we took pepsie outside. yes she was trying to balance herself on top of ice covered snow but she kept sinking. it was a funny site. not so funny where she fell of the bed though. tears~ but thank God she's fine. and yes special thankz to vince for getting all the Alex Fong's songs on my mp3 player. sweet~ that's my christmas present from him. tehe~ loved wearing his necklace too. the one with him and his lo por bang. lol gta read that in chinese for it to make sense. very funny if you don't know chinese. ha! anywho then went out for dinner. dinner was crap! really, could've done a better job if my grandmother cooked. instead we went to toby. TOBY @ empress sucks like crap. the food is horrible. the vegetable soup~ yeash my school can make better vegetable then them. everything was bad and the bill was a killer. well not really but still. could've got better food at other restaurants. if you don't take my advice go and eat dinner and find out for your self. anywho. and guess what i'm wearing rite now!! the pjs' that phoebe bought me from la senza!!!! and the slippers that kat got me from one's better living thankz guys!!!! and i'm wearing something else from american eagle. haha. gta work on the 28th and i'm hoping to get my paycheck then. can't believe i didn't get my paycheck before boxing day~ arrrghh, but at least i'll get it before my bday~ also gta finish the season 2 spongebob with baby! i'm on the second disk, gta finish it before stupid school start. and oh boi, i still haven't done my hw. great! ahhhh!!! mommy's dragging me to wake up at 7 o'clock to go to future shop to buy this new cordless phone for my room =) you can change the face plate. yipee! so yea gta go to sleep now. anywho, gta watch limeny sniket and the series of unfortunate events. Merry Christmas guys and have a boxing day where you'll shop til you drop~ toodlez~ *meet me under the mistletoe!!!!!!